Monster & Teeny

Teeny will be four in December. The forms to express our wishes for her school place for next September arrived last month. They were shredded and put in the recycling in the same way that Monster’s were two years ago when they arrived. I had a reminder for him a few months after to say that ‘if we don’t receive your form back your child may not be allocated a school place’ which was of course absolutely fine as I didn’t want or need him to be allocated a school place, so I ignored that letter too and that was the last I ever heard with regard to Monster and school.

About this time last year when Teeny was heading towards her third birthday I pondered, very briefly, over the idea of nursery for her. Teeny is a very different child to Monster and while we initially looked into the idea of Home Ed due to Monster having massive seperation anxiety issues aged 2 years we have long since evolved from that being our reason why we Home Ed. Indeed I think that in many ways the nursery environment would quite suit Teeny. She is a very sociable child, very self assured and self confident with very little of the traits that keep Monster so close to me. She adores the mixing with friends, the messy play, the running with the pack and the activity side of what nursery might offer. So why is she not there?

Teeny is not in nursery because I consider nursery training for school. I consider it to be the precursor to sitting when told to sit, standing when told to stand, forming an orderly queue, putting your hand up before speaking, having even your ‘learning through play’ defined, categorised, premeditated and planned, standardised, homogenised, institionalised. I consider it training for those who follow rules and standards, who wish to stand in line, who see a need to be grouped by age and demographic, who feel that if you fall within a one year birth date between September and August you should be ticking certain boxes at certain times and rated accordingly. To have your behaviour modified and brought in line. To know about snacktime, time out, how to draw somebody else’s version of a tree, to learn about taking turns and sharing within a santized, forced environment, to have the hand holding yours holding you back. To have your voyage of discovery, your learning, your living, handed to you in pre packaged, bite sized, age appropriate pieces.

I adore my Teeny. But she is wild, she is unfocussed, she is chaotic and she is wilful. She is independant, fierce, brave, fearless and reckless. What would be made of such a child at nursery I wonder? Would she use those very powerful qualities she possesses to lead others? Would she wield her power in a negative fashion? Would she, I wonder, quakingly take her potential leadership skills and prey on the weak? Could she be labelled a bully? Could she then live up to that label and become a self fulfilling prophesy? Or would the challenge of putting Teeny into a box, making her conform - for she would surely have to - you cannot have a nursery room full of 4 year olds all exerting their will, following their own path, leading the way - break her spirit? Would she lose all that makes her who she is? Would all her potential be stripped away? Would her very individuality, already so strong and so suggestive of who she might one day become be taken from her?

My feeling of course, if you had not already realised it, is that yes, indeed it would. The very traits, characteristics and fundamental Teeny-ness of Teeny make her a very hard child to parent. They offer me a daily challenge, a constant accomodation and a world of careful handling. These very parts of my daughter, of which I am so in awe, so proud of and so thrilled to see demonstrated are both what I imagine will make her such a wonderful person and what make her so very difficult to spend vast quantities of time with the 3 year old incarnation of.

But if the very best reason and excuse for packing her off to nursery is that it would make my life easier, if the justification for pushing her into a mould is that she will better fit into an institution and if all that can be offered is the promise of socialising, some handprinting with poster paints and the chance to learn all the words and actions to Here we go round the mulberry bush then that really doesn’t seem enough. Here is a child who spends at least two days a week in the company of same age children, all her waking hours in the company of her brother, has access to as many toys, creative pursuits, art materials, books and attention she could wish for, the chance to experience real life and be loved, supported, valued, considered and listened to then I defy anyone to offer me a good case for packing that child off anywhere other than by my side.