Pro choice?
Ten years ago I would have scoffed at mothers who gave up work to stay at home with their children. Five years ago I considered women who returned to work and used childcare for little more than newborns to be selfish, shallow, unmaternal types. Now I would march to support the rights of either and consider that aslong as the decision makes the people it effects happier than the alternative that is the right choice.
Five years ago I was a firm believer in children needing routine. I am documented in parenting newsgroups as saying so, insisting, Gina Ford stylee that what a few hours old baby really needs is to be taught night from day as early as possible. I felt that boundaries, structure and clear guidelines were the secret of raising young. Now I realise that the person requiring that structure, routine and guidelines was infact me, if I’d have surrendered to the feeding when hungry, sleeping when tired idea then there would have been no dreadful, far reaching effects. Now I feel the continuation of such parenting ‘techniques’ into the naughty step Supernanny style of behaviour control and modification is far from beneficial, natural or likely to have healthy long term effects. I seek and strive (and sometimes stumble and falter) to work with my children, to smooth their path and assist them in dealing with what they find difficult. Rather than relating their issues to me and the effect of my child ’showing me up in the supermarket’ I keep the issue where it belongs - with my child and try to ascertain why they are behaving that way and either remove the irritant or offer them coping mechanisms with things I cannot remove. Which is not to say I would judge these methods when used by others, we all have different levels of unacceptability in the behaviour of those around us and ways in which we will deal with it. It is imperative to the harmony of our household that pen lids are put back on after use, that children’s faces are wiped clean of peanut butter, ears are clear of wax and nails are free of dirt. Total non issues to others. In the same way there will be areas I’d be considered lax and liberal by some on things I simply don’t consider important or worth the effort.
Educationally I would have once chosen to send my children to private school. I then choose Home Education and was utterly confident I would be curriculum led, structured and academic in bias. Our approach actually has become ever more autonomous. As I explained to a friend recently the chief reason for this is that it suits us. The simple dynamic of Monster, Teeny and I on a day by day, week by week basis is best when left alone. Our days do indeed have a pattern and a rhythm but predetermined education is not one of them. I reconsider, listen primarily to my children but also to others around us, modify and alter as we go along. I change my ideas, adapt to lifestyle changes and largely of course make it up as we go along! 
If pushed I would have to concede that of course I do believe that autonomous education is best, I also believe that autonomous parenting is best but do not achieve that most of the time. I don’t believe in smacking children, I don’t believe in organised childcare or education. I don’t believe in structure or curriculums, I don’t believe anyone knows better than the individual what they should be learning about - and yes I extend that to my own four and six year old children. If it seems like hard work to them, is irrelevant or uninteresting and they show reluctance to bother with it then I believe they are right. There is not, contrary to popular believe an eleven year window for learning all the stuff we need to know - we are constrained in learning only by our own lifetime - just yesterday as a result of a question from Monster about why spiders don’t get stuck in their own webs I learnt something I had previously gotten to 33 without knowing - at the same time as my 4 year old daughter, 6 year old son and 42 year old husband - anyone care to try and tell me when we *should* have learnt that, cos it strikes me the answer for all four of us was ‘yesterday’. I don’t agree with the concern about not having ‘exposed’ them to everything meaning you will have done them a disservice - who is to determine what needs to be included in that exposure? Have rocket scientists read Shakespeare, have oscar winning actors run marathons, have world leaders pulled a pint?
These topics put people’s backs up, make them defensive, question and challenge their choices and therefore the opposing viewpoints to their own need to be torn apart. I don’t think that everyone who does things differently to us is wrong, if it is making them and their family happy then clearly it is right. What I am constantly annoyed and angered by is the suggestion that we have the choice to make the right decision for ourselves removed from us in favour of what someone else thinks is best for us.
